Such a Good Day

Baby sister is home. (FINALLY!)

Blue Bell is back, and just as good as ever.

I saw four shooting starts tonight, all while driving and not even looking for them.

And that's about all, folks!

Where I Want to Be

Y'all.  It's Taylor Swift's birthday today, and she's two years younger than me.

And she's built an empire.

I, ummmmm, well... I own a car, so there's that.

Of course, that's mostly a joke, but I do sometimes envy people the things they have that I don't, so it's nice to remind myself that I wouldn't really want to be in T-Swift's shoes.

Remember when I decided I just wanted to disappear for a little while and live life beyond a screen, with real people?  Yeah, I kinda doubt there's much in Taylor's life that she can just cancel in a flash and run away to spend time with friends.  I mean, maybe, but I highly doubt it...

I, on the other hand, have that chance more often than not, and that time showed me I should take advantage of it more often than I do.

I visited my dear friend Kae, who is just a fantastic hostess, among many other things.  I love to pop in on her from time to time, and just be a part of her life - we don't make big plans for our time together.  She just has a peaceful, quiet, intentional way of life that I, in all my rushing, overly-social, never-take-a-breath, unpredictable intensity, need to soak up every once in a while.

I mean, the first night I was there, we finished dinner, and sat around talking for a minute, then, when I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, I glanced over at the tabletop and realized it was a perfect still-life:



Kae and her husband James have a little baby girl, Rose, and they like to carefully preserve and cultivate "Adult" things in their life after she's in bed by lighting candles and having long conversations over dinner.  They've done a good job of that from what I saw.

One night, Kae and I had a little tea party and read together - it was such a perfect re-set time and a reminder that this quiet little life is exactly where I want to be.



And one night, we made homemade pasta, because if we don't cook together at least once a visit, something has gone terribly wrong.



It's our happy place. Can't you tell?



One of my favorite moments of the whole trip, though, was one afternoon when Kae was washing dishes and I was in the living room (probably having just finished my 14,973,587th reading of Rose's favorite "Mary Had a Little Lamb" finger puppet book) and Rose was just floating back and forth between us - she went into the kitchen with Kae, and Kae began singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to her in Chinese.

Just a normal moment in their day, but so incredibly poignant for me.
Yeah, there's something about music in languages other than English that gets me every time, but this was different.

When Kae and I first met, neither of us would ever have imagined we would be in that moment right then.  But somehow it was exactly right - exactly the way things were supposed to be from the very beginning.



I don't think either of us would trade to be where we pictured ourselves 7 years ago.

When your blog prompt is completely lame, it's okay to desert the expected for something way better.

I had one of the most amazing experiences of my life this weekend.  My friend Christa (one of the six best friends, and one who might as well be a sister - I can honestly say she and I have been friends longer than I've been friends with my actual sisters...) had a baby, and invited me to be her official photographer at the hospital.  She ended up having a C-section, and I didn't document that part, but I got to be at the hosoital with her family the entire time, and capture so many sweet moments that I will never forget.

She's given me permission to post a few photos here, so I'm actually delivering on the promise I made y'all the other day!

Join me and Madeline's family in welcoming her to this wide world:


Little cousins meeting for the first time is the cutest thing!


I promise everybody also loved on her, but this moment, with everybody pulling out their phones hit my funny bone, and I just had to capture it.

Oh my word, watching my friends become parents has been so incredible.  The way they looked at her is something just as new as she is - it's a fierce, deep, protective love I can only assume you never feel until a tiny human suddenly belongs to you, and depends on you for their every need.



I really didn't want to leave at the end of the day when the nurse finally told us we couldn't come back into the room.  Something about being in the presence of such a new person just slows down time and makes life seem utterly peaceful.





I went to a friend's house afterward, and just sat there in a chair, processing and soaking up all the little left-over bits of the day.

I went back to the hospital to document the morning they were released, and when I walked in, it was the same calm - just Mom, Dad, and Baby, together in a quiet, dim room - and I almost hated to disturb them, but they told me to hold her (didn't have to twist my arm for that) and before I knew it, an hour had passed of us just sitting there, soaking up her delicious new-born-ness.



When Christa's mom walked in, I had to hand her over, but I didn't do it til then...
Seriously, would you just look at these happy people!







Okay, okay.  In case you're dying of curiosity, my prompt was "a fruit you don't like."
Y'all, I cannot come up with a fruit I don't like.

I'm at a loss, because I just really love fruit.
Maybe more often than not with a little sugar alongside it...
That's all I have to say about that.

But I really am kind of wondering if there is a fruit I don't like?  Anyone who actually knows me want to weigh in and remind me if there is one?

My First Attempt at Being a Fashion Blogger

Well, I knew it would happen eventually, and tonight's the night.  I drew the slip that says "What You Wore Today."
*Insert monkey-covering-eyes emoji here*
Despite my feelings regarding selfies, I do follow a number of fashion bloggers, so I figured I might as well do this thing right, hence, my first attempt at fashion blogging:
and a few things I learned while I was at it


Y'all.  It is NOT easy to take self-portraits.  As natural as I hope this looks (who am I kidding...) it does not feel natural at all.
Also, you'll have to try multiple different camera angles, and move every lamp in your house to different locations.

This morning, I went up to the hospital to take some more pictures of my dear friend Christa and her brand new little family of three.
A sampling of those pictures may be forthcoming! But no guarantees around here...
I don't know about y'all, but I always freeze in Hospitals, so I opted for long sleeves and boots.  Good choice, considering that it turned out cold and rainy all day.


After about 20,385,830,257,943,750 pictures, you might begin to feel a little more comfortable.

Shirt//Belk   Jeggings//J.C. Penney   Boots//Sold Out Similar Here


If you do this long enough, you'll end up just laughing at yourself, and that, my friends, is the sweet spot.
And you might even finally understand why your dance teacher always said you had chicken arms...

I was so excited to finally have the chance to wear this shirt, because the sleeves actually fit my crazy-long arms.  I always end up cuffing the sleeves on button-downs because they end just above my wrists in a super awkward spot, but these - no such thing.  They end exactly where they should!

On an entirely different subject, please excuse the less than stellar carpet and wall color in my dwelling... I only rent, so tearing up and replacing permanent fixtures is frowned upon.
Someday, I will fulfill my dream of flipping a house or two, but, sadly, this is not the time or place.

Sometimes Things Just Work Out Perfectly

Today, my childhood best friend had a baby, and I was the designated photographer at the hospital, which was a complete joy, but I am tired - I can't even imagine how exhausted she is!

As a result of that tiredness, I'm grateful that the slip of paper I drew for tonight's blog said "Put your music player on shuffle and write the first three songs that play and what your initial thought is."

Easy breezy lemon squeezy:
Not entirely sure I've ever said that in real life, but I'm going to leave it there anyway.

1. Next to Me - Emeli Sandé - I have a very distinct memory of taking the backroads home from a friend's house in my early years post-college, feeling entirely young and wild and free, with this song playing on the radio - that memory is the reason I bought the song, so that's what I thought of.
2. Movie Loves a Screen - April Smith and the Great Picture Show - This song is just a make-you-happy-no-matter-what song, also, my go-to dance-like-crazy-in-the-kitchen song, so just a general flood of happiness ensued.
3. Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae - My ultimate favorite song ever.  If I tell you a different song is my favorite, it's just a temporary thing, and I will eventually return to my first love.  Really - this is the first song I ever fell deeply in love with.

Aaaaaaaand, that's all, folks!

Let's discuss the fact that I'm not married.

My topic for today was "Your current relationship; if single, discuss that."
Well, I'm single, and I have a lot of thoughts about that, and I actually already had a draft all about it, so here's a long-winded post for your Tuesday:

*I wrote this a while back, hence the titles of old articles that aren't really floating around any more.  It took me awhile to decide to post it because hurting anyone who loves me is the furthest thing from my intentions. But sometimes people who love us say things with the best of intentions and still end up hurting us, so here I am, hoping that I can be gracious and make my point at the same time.*

Lately there have been a lot of articles and blog entries shared on Facebook about marriage - "5 Reasons I Got Engaged Before 23", "23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23",  "26, unmarried, and childless", and "I Wasn't Ready For Marriage" to name a few.

Apparently 23 is a trendy age at which to get married?  I remember when I was 20, and signed up to work on Sumer Staff at camp, and a well-meaning friend of my Mom's said to me "That is such a great idea!  You could meet a really nice man there!"

I was recently asked "So, are you engaged or married?"

Apparently there wasn't a "single" option.

Once, I off-handedly mentioned to someone that three of my closest friends were married to men they'd met at camp.  She replied "And I'm sure you will be too, one day."
(Not the point of the conversation, in case you were wondering.)

Some time back, at a wedding shower no less, I ran into someone who hadn't seen me in a while, and she innocently said "I can't remember, are you married?"
Before I could even open my mouth to respond, another lady jumped in and said "No. She's still waiting."

This list could go on...

Really, though, I know that none of these women meant any harm by their words.  They were just trying to be friendly and encouraging.  Regardless of the intentions, though, it's hard to hear things like this all of the time.

If I'm honest with you, as I try to be on this blog, I have to admit, sooner or later, that The-Thing-I-Really-Want-To-Do-With-My-Life is to be somebody's wife, and mother to a few somebodies.

That's it.

Yes, I want to write and write, and write.

Yes, I want to get a Master's degree eventually.

And yes, it is a big dream of mine to someday teach college students who hate English to love it and express themselves well through writing it.

These are dreams and goals that I have, and am pursuing.

But the biggest dream is one I can't accomplish on my own.

It's one I may not accomplish.

Did you catch that?  I just said I may not ever get married or have kids.

If you think that was easy for me to say, let me tell you right now, it wasn't.

The fact is, though, that I have no assurance, no firm promise, that I will have those things that I want so much.

Jesus and I have had a lot of conversations about this, and my poor mother has had to answer her fair share of weepy phone calls about it.

And you know what?  I've received a lot of encouragement through those conversations with Jesus, and phone calls with my mother, but assurance that "my turn" will, in fact, come "one day"?  There's none.

Zip, Zero, Nada.

I'm learning that just the fact that I have a desire for something doesn't mean it's going to be a part of my life.

I may end up being the awesome old English teacher who lives in a house full of windows, where the tea kettle is always boiling, with a Cottage Garden in the front, and a yard full of dogs in the back.

(I'm allergic to cats.  Otherwise, I'd probably include "Cat-lady" here...)

Right now, as I write that image, I'm smiling.  I'm learning to be okay happy with it.

Ultimately, friends?  Jesus is enough.

I am, in fact, happy with this point in my life, with the extended (maybe life-long!) chance to invest in the girls that surround me without feeling guilty about taking time away from a family, to speak truth into the lives of many others, and be available 24/7.

I am happy to play "Auntie" to my friends' wonderful children - those who are already here, and those who are coming.

I am happy, so happy, that I have the freedom to travel whenever I like, and visit my friends who have gotten married and thus been scattered to the 4 Winds.

That has not been an easy road.  I didn't willingly rush into the arms of this new kind of happiness.

I have drug my feet, and this road has even been made a little harder by all the well-meaning women in my life who tell me things like "Don't worry.  Your turn will come."

Simply put, I'm happy here now.  I'm not worrying.

But if you tell me not to worry, I'm going to start worrying, and I'm going to fix my eyes on things other than Jesus and where He's leading me.  If you tell me my turn will come, I'm going to start clinging to a false assurance that is not from Him. 

The hard thing about all of this is that these people who love me may be fully convinced their words are true, but the fact is, at this point in my life, those words are not true for me, and are not what I need to be focusing on.

My family and my friends have never pushed me into matrimony.  They've never told me that it was my only choice, or even that it was the best choice, but, regardless, we live in a world where marriage is such a huge focus.

It's such a huge focus, that we're choosing sides about whether we should be engaged before we're 23.
It's such a huge focus, that we assume everyone who wants to be married is going to be married eventually, and we talk in those terms.

When I say "we," I'm talking to myself too.  I'm just as guilty of dishing out these platitudes as anyone else.  It's almost an automatic response in our society.

But, I want to suggest a better way.  Let's not discuss the fact that I'm not married yet.

Let's just discuss the fact that I'm not married.

Let's discuss the fact that there are lots of good things about this time.

"But that's the discussion we've always had," you may say to me.

Yes that's true, but these discussions almost always end with "And when you are married..."

Let's not do that.

Also?  Please tell me funny stories about your kids and grandkids.

Tell me about that hilarious moment you had with your husband last week.

And, if you're really ready to trust me, tell me about that argument you're in the middle of.

I have friends who are married, and who have children, and I've managed to keep up these friendships through receiving and giving this type of transparency.  It may seem weird to talk to a single, childless woman about your marriage or children.  But really, think about how boring life would be if we only talked about things we both fully understood or were comfortable with.

A dear friend of mine put it perfectly the other day when she said "Sometimes I feel like a non-person."

We're not Moms, or wives, but neither are we just waiting around or in between.
We are people, fully formed adult people with intelligence, and self-control, and understanding, and empathy.

Even though our lives now look very different, there's no reason we can't relate.  We're both human, and, ultimately, have the same struggles, just in different environments.

And when I trust you enough to bring my heart to you, handle it with care, knowing that you (and I) have no idea how my life will turn out.

I will try to give you that same respect, because, honestly, we could have this discussion about any number of life stages.

Sometimes

Sometimes people you love have unexpected health issues and surgeries as a result.
Sometimes one of your second-graders in Children's Church, the precious doe-eyed one with dimples and shaggy hair, sits against the wall, and when you go to check on him, he tells you he just wants to blow up all the supplies and burn the whole place down.
Sometimes the sun doesn't shine for days.
Sometimes it hits you that you might be single for the rest of your life and you have to fight Apollyon as a result.
Sometimes you cry and you don't know why.

But sometimes, oh friends
Sometimes you call your Mom and she already knows because she's been praying for you for the past three days so you don't have to explain anything and you can just listen to her voice for a little while.
Sometimes the wind is at your back and the sun is on your face as you jog next to a precious friend.
Sometimes you are unexpectedly in possession of a new (to you) car.
Sometimes your boss sets half an orange on your desk just because.
Sometimes you escort a nice Grandfatherly stranger to the Marmax on a golf cart because he has nothing better to do than to drive all the way out to camp to see if it's easier to fit 7 or 8 chairs around a round table, and for a minute, the two grandfathers you lost are right there beside you.
Sometimes a friend whom you haven't talked to in a while sends you just the words you need to hear.
Sometimes Orion comes out of hiding and reminds you again that you're not alone.

Life Lately

I don't know about you guys, but, while I love words and have really enjoyed having more of them on my blog recently, I've been missing pictures.  It's not that I haven't been taking them.  It's just that I haven't been posting them, so here's life lately, through my camera lens (and some words, because, who are we kidding?  I can't not use words).

Sunsets



I wish I could paint, but I can't, and pictures don't nearly capture them.  I'm still struggling to learn savoring instead of saving.

Perfect Saturdays
Last Saturday and today, I had every intention of sleeping in until ungodly hours, but, both days, I woke up fully rested at 8ish.  I know myself well enough not to jinx that well-rested feeling by making myself go back to sleep, so I've gotten up and stayed up. Side-note: Why in the world can't I wake up fully rested and ready to get out of bed like this on the mornings when I need to go to work?
Last Saturday, part of the reason I got up was because my dear friend Kae stayed at my house the night before and I wanted to get up and have coffee with her before she had to leave to go home.



Kae and I made coffee and went out onto my front porch to sit on the swing and enjoy the cool morning.  We talked just like we always do about life, thoughts, plans, the future.  As is pretty usual for us lately, we started talking about our some-day kids.
Then, I glanced out into my yard, just looking at the way the morning sunlight played on the still wet grass, and I saw our kids there.  For just a moment, as plain as day, I saw my girl with long blonde hair and Kae's little dark, curly haired boy about 4 and 5 years old I'd say, holding hands and running around a tree, their backs to us.
I've never even wanted a girl, but I knew she was mine and he was Kae's.  I'm not saying it was a vision or anything, but it was a calm, beautiful, reassuring little moment.

Getting Ready
Sometimes, a girl just wants to fix her hair and wear a little make-up.  These (somewhat) early Saturday mornings are wonderful for spreading girly implements all over the counter and taking my time to look pretty.



Girl Times
Kae wasn't the only one that visited last weekend.  Our friend Christy was here too.  Christy, Kae, and I have been friends only in our adulthood (translation: not for a particularly long time), but they are two of the six girls that I love and trust implicitly.  We met at Camp (Christy and I in '08, and then Kae in '09) and have pretty much been inseparable since day one.  I was Christy's Maid of Honor and a bridesmaid in Kae's wedding, and, in our world, that means a lot - it means I'm sticking by them and they're sticking by me for the long haul, even through the tough stuff.
The wonderful thing about us is that we can always enjoy time together without any hint of the "three's-a-crowd" syndrome, but we have wonderful individual friendships too.  Christy actually got here on Thursday, so she and I had Thursday night all to ourselves, then I had to go to work for a half-day Friday and Kae got here at about ten, so she and Christy had time to themselves since I ended up working til more like two, then we all went to town to buy things for my Operation Christmas Child box, then made dinner and watched Persuasion together.  Christy left, and Kae stayed the night, so she and I got our time to ourselves too.  It was a wonderful weekend and I can't wait til we all get to see each other again.



The cherry on top of our wonderful weekend?  Christy got a wonderful job.  Christy, you deserve it, dearest, and I could not be happier for you!

Jesus Times
I have been getting back into reading my Bible even when it's hard (blame Leviticus for the difficulty) and it's been so good!



A New-to-me Mug
As long as I can remember, my mom has had this one perfect mug.  It's the perfect blue, and holds the perfect amount of tea (it's a tad too small for the amount of coffee I like - we all have to have our vices, you know), it has the perfect handle, and is even the perfect weight when you hold it. I'm telling you.  It's perfect.
It may sound silly, but that mug is one of the things I miss most about my parents' house (ahem, other than my family, of course).
Well, Saturday  before last, I went to Goodwill with a friend in the afternoon and found the perfect mug!



Okay, so maybe it's not the perfect blue, but it's the perfect salmon pink and I am still so thrilled about it.

Candles
I never thought I would be a candle burner, but



I'm obsessed.  That's all.

Home
I went home last week.  Home is an interesting concept for me.  I spent the first twelve years of my life in the same house in a small neighborhood (well, my very first year was spent in a different house, but I have no memories of that house).
It was cozy, comforting, and secure, and to this day, I say I want to raise my family in a house just like that one, if not that exact one.  Probably not that exact one, honestly, because the neighborhood has sadly gone downhill.
When I was twelve, we moved to the country, and then moved back into town a year later.  Since then, my family has moved four times, but always in the country around the same small town.  I've loved all of our houses, but I've gotten to the point where they're just houses.  For years, I really struggled with the fact that we are such nomads.  It was hard for me to imagine having kids and not being able to take them to Grandma and Grandpa's in the same house every year.
My Nana has lived in the same house since my mom was six, and that house has brought such a stability to our family.  I can't think of our family without thinking of that house and I can't think of that house without thinking of our family.
Nana's house and our family are completely intertwined in my head.
But, when it comes down to it, house and home are not synonymous.
Home is my small town.





Home is a dirt driveway in the woods.



And mist rising from the pond in a cool morning.



Okay, eventually my family might live somewhere without a pond or away from the woods or even outside of Nacogdoches, but if/when they do, it'll be okay because home isn't even any of those things.
When you boil it down to it's very essence, home is simply where they are.

Sister Pictures
When I went home, I got the privilege of shooting Sarah's senior pictures (and some with friends, and some with her boyfriend).





She's graduating!
I'm still somewhat in shock over this fact.  I have even gotten a little teary-eyed about it.  My little sister is graduating from college.  She's so grown up!
Sarah, I love you and cannot wait to have less distance between us.

Also?  I got to take Baby to her chemistry class and to Starbucks



I feel like now when we walk into a coffee shop together, it's very possible that the barista thinks we're just friends rather than sisters a decade apart. (Maybe that's just me thinking I look younger than I do...)
That makes me incredibly happy and sad at the same time.


I can definitely wait several more years for you to graduate.

Baby, I love you, you beautiful goofball!
It was so wonderful to talk with you and share my favorite playlist with you.    Please forgive me for ever looking down on your taste in music, because you know what?  I'm listening to James Morrison now.  As I type these words. And I'm actually enjoying it.
I can't believe I just said that.

Featured Friend: Christine

Remember this girl?

Yeah.  That one.  The one that I surprised once on her birthday at the Houston Zoo.

A few nights ago, I ran across her blog on accident.  I didn't even know it existed, and then, suddenly, there it was and I was like "What!?"

So, of course, I went back and read everything she had written over the last 10 months or so.

That's what everyone does at moments like that, right? Just tell me yes, even if it's not...

Anyway, In the process of reading through her archives, I found this.

Now, Christine, although she is a very dear friend, is a fairly new friend.  As in, we didn't meet until about three years ago, so I didn't know about the background of this post.

So, imagine my shock as I'm sitting here reading my story on her blog.

I'm dead serious.  Change two tiny details (a. I was a little older than she was and b. I knew he was cheating when I broke it off, which I guess is not a particularly tiny detail) and everything on that post besides the list could be something I wrote about myself - every detail is true of me and my journey since then.  That, my friends, is the background of "this phase" in my life that I referred to in my last post.

And she probably put it all much better than I could have.

Just in case you're not catching this, I'm going to repeat myself - Christine and I have almost the exact same events that, although they may not define us, have influenced much of who we are today.

Can I just say, I think it's an incredible testament to how much we've both overcome that we've never really talked about this.  We both sort of knew about the relationship of each others' past that held certain regrets and scars, but details didn't matter to us, because our past doesn't define who we are today.  Neither of us dwelt on the past.

You know what else Christine doesn't do?  Shilly-shally.

She jumps in and does whatever she's doing whole-heartedly, and when she makes a decision, she sticks to it.  She is who she is and anyone may know it.

Also? Girlfriend is L-O-Y-A-L.  If she decides she's your friend, she's all in.  She keeps track of your life (in a non-stalker way) and always knows the right questions to ask at the right time to spark a deeper-than-you-might-like, but oh-so-good-and-necessary conversation.  She keeps you accountable whether you like it or not.

I'd have to say, ours is a friendship where she made the decision that we were going to be friends and decided to work on that, then I caught on to the fact that she was a keeper and, boy am I thankful I did.

We've both overcome so much, and Christine, if you're reading this, I love you and am so much more grateful for your friendship now that I know this about you.

Up next?  A "To Whom It May Concern" list of my own.

I couldn't keep this to myself any longer.

This may have just revolutionized the way I look at this phase of my life.

I knew I loved spoken word, but wow.  Just wow.  This hit me so hard when a dear friend showed it to me last weekend.
And it's repeatedly hit me throughout the week, so I decided it was best for me to share it with you guys.

The beginning may be kind of corny (and her name might be kind of corny too), but, man, this girl gets my Jesus-loving, wordsmith's heart:
"I will no longer date, socialize, or communicate with carbon copies of You to appease my boredom or to quench my thirsty desire for attention and short-lived compliments from sorta-kindas..."
"I will no longer get weighed down by so-called friends and family talks about their concern for my biological clock when I serve the Author of time, who is not subject to time, but I am subject to Him.  He has the ability to stop, fast-forward, pause, or rewind at any given time..."

Amen.
That is all, ladies and gentlemen.

(Now go watch it already!)

Two Things

1.  I've always wanted to have the kind of house that people feel comfortable in - that people feel welcome into at any time.
Apparently I have that house.
This morning, I got up and went out onto the porch to have a quiet time.  I spent a good deal of time out there, and then went inside to make a quick smoothie.  The minute I turned off the blender, I heard a knock at the door.  This was odd, but I said "Yes?" and the door opened.
In walked one of my summer staffers.  All of the summer staff have been gone for a week and a half now.
I was definitely startled to see her, but it wasn't that surprising since she just lives in the next town over.  She walked in looking very sad and just joined me in the kitchen and started pouring her heart out.
Sure, I had to be at work in 15 minutes and it might have been an interruption to my morning, but it was so so wonderful to have that reassurance that people feel welcomed and comforted in my home.

2.  Longer even than I've thought about having my own house at all, much less having a house that people feel welcome into, I've wanted to be a runner.
I've never had any desire to actually run.  I just wanted to be a runner.
It just seems so cool, you know, to be a runner.  It just carries this connotation of health and fitness.  Not that being a ballerina doesn't carry that connotation or anything.  I just always wanted to be a runner.
Well guys, tonight I went on my first "real" run.
My old roommate came in for a few days to visit and she's lost a lot of weight and she's running a 5K soon.  She and one of my coworkers decided to run together tonight and I just jumped in to be able to spend time with them.  Best decision ever.
Okay, okay, so maybe we walked a little, ran a little, walked a little, ran a little, etc.  But we ended with lunges and stretches and everything and actually did a "work-out" and ohmygoshyouguys.
I'm hooked.  It was so exhilarating to push my body just a bit past what I thought it could do.
I definitely see more running in my future.

While I Was Gone

Man, I've missed this little space.  It feels good to be back.  I have to say, though, leaving for the summer was definitely a wise decision.

The summer.  Wow.  It's funny how, from the time you first learn the word even to the time you're earning a college degree, summer means freedom and escape - hammocks and beaches and picnics, you know?
Then you grow up and find out that the summer holds obligations and responsibilities just like any other time of the year.

Don't get me wrong here.  I loved my summer.  I treasured every day of it.  Well, maybe treasured is a little too strong of a word for every day, but it was a good summer.

Also?  It was a hard summer.  Frankly, the last three months were the hardest of my life - harder than any semester of my college career.  But hard doesn't necessarily mean bad.  This summer alone, I've learned so much about myself, my family, my Jesus, my heart, my friends.  I've been stretched beyond what I thought I could endure, and come through it all standing taller than before.



Remember last spring?  I thought I had grown so much then and now I've grown twice that much in confidence, though maybe not ability - I'm pretty sure all of my summer staffers knew I wasn't very adept at wielding any tool other than a screw driver or staple gun . . . and even those were probably sometimes doubtful.

It's strange to me that I've noticed this, but there's something different about the way I stand and walk and hold my head up, literally and figuratively, that wasn't there before.  It's seems the more responsibility placed on my shoulders, the more they straighten up.  I handled responsibilities on my own that I never knew I could.

I wasn't the only one growing this summer, though.  Baby came to work at camp for her first summer and it was a privilege/delight/blessing beyond words to watch her gain confidence in the beautiful young woman that we all know she is.  When I originally graduated from high school, I made the decision to go to college close to home and live with my parents for one reason - Baby.  Even at that young age, I knew she and I were similar.  We handle stress and friendships and life the same way.  I wanted to be around to help her through things that I had gone through.  Not to protect her, necessarily, but to be an example for her to follow - to let her learn from my mistakes because I didn't want her to make the same ones.

There was one thing, though, that was her own personal struggle - the thing between her and Jesus that I couldn't help her through.  She never knew she was beautiful.  Not that she thought she was ugly.  She just never saw the beauty that the rest of us saw in her.

I never struggled with self-confidence growing up.  I never thought I could win a beauty pageant, but I knew I was beautiful inside and out, so it was incredibly hard to watch Baby struggle through years when she probably didn't even fully know she was struggling.

Then this summer came and I watched her bloom under the influence of sunshine and hard work and good teaching and solid friendships.  She still has a long road ahead of her (don't we all?) but her eyes shine with a new light and that makes this far-away sister's heart happy.



I still remember my first (and second and third) summer, and all the growth I went through, so clearly, and it was beyond wonderful this year to watch that growth happening in the hearts of so many of our summer staff.  Baby was really just one of many that I watched bloom this summer.

This summer, my family came through the hardest trial we've ever faced and we're not out of it yet.  If there's one thing I've learned, it's that dark storms will come, but when we walk through them together, we come out stronger on the other side.


This storm rolled in suddenly as we were taking a walk around camp, our whole family together for the first time in eight months.  I didn't think of the beautiful symbol it was until weeks after I took the pictures.


Please forgive the blurriness. I just had to take a "family picture".

I have a new respect for Mom, Daddy, and both of my sisters.  That is all.

The thing, though, is that I know I couldn't stand as tall as I do now, Baby couldn't have her eyes opened to her own worth, and we certainly couldn't have come through our trials and faced our demons, collective and individual, this summer without help from One greater than ourselves.



Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of lights and all glory goes to my Jesus for the changes and growth that happened in my life this summer.

Whew.  If you lasted to the end of this incredibly heavy post, I have a new respect for you as well.  And tomorrow I'll reward you with something lighter (maybe).

PS:  Are you missing My Life the Movie as much as I am?
Not that I have anything of that caliber coming up.  Sometimes, though, I just go back and read them to entertain myself.
That's all.  Good night!

A Perfect Day

On Thursday, one of my very dear friends from home, Christine, had a birthday celebration at the Houston Zoo.  She'd invited me a few weeks ago and sent me a message saying she totally understood if I couldn't get off work, but that she had decided to invite me because she would really love to have me there. I really wanted to go, but I pretty much assumed I wouldn't be able to go.  You see, this past week was Spring Break, a perfect week for my friends who are either college students or high school teachers to have a trip to the zoo, but a horrible week for me to try to go anywhere because I work at a retreat center.

At a retreat center, "Spring Break" means "the-time-when-there-are-a-lot-of-guests-all-week-and-pretty-much-all-of-the-employees-are-doing-two-or-more-jobs-at-any-given-moment."
Not a good time to suddenly ask for a day off.
In fact, when I first got Christine's message, I was brave and asked for the day off that very afternoon (technically two week's advance notice), but then the next morning, when I saw all the work that had to be done, I retracted my request.

Fast forward about a week, and my sisters are here visiting.  I'm not sure what it was, but something about that day with them made me really really want to celebrate Christine's birthday with her.  I started thinking how great it would be if I could go and surprise her.  Honestly, the surprise idea was the simplest way to disappoint the least amount of people.  This way Sarah and I could just talk about it and plan it in hopes that somehow it would work out.

You see, besides the fact that it was Spring Break, there was also the fact that I don't have a car right now.  So, at first the surprise idea was just something that Sarah and I told each other was a nice idea, with no real expectation of it actually working out.

Then, the next morning (that's Tuesday morning), I looked at the schedule for Spring Break.

I was not on the schedule for anything (besides my actual job) on Thursday.
That in itself was a little miracle.

So I thought about it all day and even half-heartedly felt out the possibility of borrowing a car from one of my co-workers for "any time in the future if I might need to go to Houston or something."
That didn't seem too promising, and, honestly, I didn't expect it to.  I don't let people borrow my car (or, didn't let people borrow it when I had one), so I generally avoid asking people if I can borrow theirs.

Then, Wednesday morning came and out of nowhere I just had a burst of confidence that it would work out and I would be able to go one way or another.  So I asked for Thursday off.

Please note that Thursday traditionally comes immediately after Wednesday.  Consult any calendar you wish and you will find that's the way the week works.

Also, please note that I used to work in Career Services where, on a weekly basis, I conducted a training for student professionals that drilled into their heads that they should not give less than two week's advance notice  of a day-off request except in the case of illness or emergency.

So here I am doing something that goes against everything I've ever taught other people.
Fortunately I have a very gracious and understanding supervisor and he gave me the day off.

But there was still the fact that I did not have a way to get to Houston.  Finally at the end of the day, I worked  up enough courage to outright ask someone to borrow his car the next morning and take it for a spin in the big city.  Wouldn't you know he let me borrow it without any qualms.

Thursday morning I sort of couldn't believe this was actually working out, but it was.  I was on my way to Houston to surprise Christine.

Now, here we might should mention that I have never been able to pull off a big surprise in my entire life.  I really don't even try.  I just blab entirely too much about big things like that.

So, I get to the zoo and parking is simply crazy because, you see, it's Spring Break and not only is Spring Break a good time for College Students and High School Teachers to go to the zoo, it's also a great time for young families to go to the zoo, so the zoo is requiring everyone to park in the Hospital district because the regular zoo parking lot is full.  After navigating the zoo of Houston traffic, I finally find a parking space in a garage that looks like this on the outside.



I'm not kidding.  It's gorgeous, right?  But don't let the outside fool you.  The inside is treacherous - full of sharp turns and steep hills.  Not fun.  Especially not fun in somebody else's car.

I get out of the parking garage and am so turned around I have no idea where I should head to get to the zoo because there are lots of signs that say "Zoo Parking this way," but no signs that say "Zoo this way."

I stand for just a moment and take in the scene.  I am basically surrounded by two types of people:
1)  People in scrubs (I'm in the hospital district right now, remember?)
2)  Young families
The part of the Hospital District that I'm in?  St. Jude's, of course, so I have no idea if any of these young families are headed to the zoo or to the Hospital.

I find a red-headed mom with two kids and a grandmother with an iPad.  They seem lost too, so I ask them if they're headed to the zoo.  They are!  So we join forces, become friends, and navigate to the zoo using the iPad.

All this time, Sarah's sending me texts like "at the tigers!" and "entering the African forest"  Pretty entertaining.

So I finally make it into the zoo and text Sarah to say that I've arrived.  I look up from my phone and see giraffes, so I start walking toward them because they're one of my favorites.  I'm waiting for Sarah to text me and sort of glancing around and suddenly I see Christine about three yards ahead with her back to me, taking a picture of Sarah and another friend in front of . . . the giraffes!

The opportunity to scare Christine is just too perfect, so I walk up behind her, holding my finger to my lips because the others have noticed me by this point, and poke her in the ribs.

She turns the other way from me, notices a woman walking past, and, as I found out later, thinks "Well, that woman had some nerve."  I say "Hey," and she turns around, and we both scream so loudly that our whole entire quadrant of the zoo turns to see what the commotion is.

It was a beautiful moment and I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful the rest of that day with my girls was. There are some friendships that I will not lose without a fight.  And these girls are definitely not going anywhere for a long time, no matter how much physical distance may separate us.

Although I won't try to tell you how wonderful the day was, I will share some pictures (and a few words) with you.


I just love elephants so much, and this baby was such a joy.  It reminded me of Babar the elephant from one of my favorite childhood stories.  It's just so fuzzy and has such darling eyelashes!


Clearly I just love hoofed animals in general.


And birds too.  The more colorful, the better.

After our lovely day, we went to the Cheesecake Factory and sat in a booth thoroughly enjoying the benefits of Daylight Savings Time, namely eating our entire dinner with natural light streaming in the windows.




This is definitely one of my favorite pictures of these two.

It was cold in the restaurant, so I ordered coffee.  It came in a glass cup, and what's a girl to do when she receives a glass cup of coffee but take pictures of the creaming process?  (Or have her sister take pictures of it.)


Good job, Sarah!

Eventually, of course, the day had to end, but let me tell you, I am still smiling because of it.

Featured Friend: Allie

Allie and I haven't really been friends that long in the broad spectrum of things, but I'm pretty sure one day we'll be able to look back and say ours has been a long-standing friendship.

I met Allie one night when I was watching some friends playing basketball in her church's gym.  Honestly, I had no idea when I met her that we would stay friends for as long as we have.  The Lord definitely has a reason for us to be friends, because He persisted in bringing us together again and again until we finally decided Hey, we really should be friends as if it was our idea.



I've always admired Allie's personal style.  Her attitude is basically if-it-makes-me-happy-I'll-wear-it.  You may see her on one day in athletic shorts and a t-shirt, and the next day in a long bohemian skirt or a cute blazer and scarf.  As weird as it may sound, I remember what Allie was wearing when I first met her.  I don't think I can remember what any of my other friends were wearing when I first met them.  She was wearing a flowy skirt and a peasant top.  I'm pretty sure one of them was yellow.

I have learned the lesson of wear-what-you-want from her (a hard lesson for someone like me to learn), but she's taught me some other stuff as well:

Loving People:  Make Sacrifices and Listen
Allie loves her friends, her family, and her church, so she lives in the town where her church and her family are, which is half an hour away from the town where (most of) her friends live.  Girlfriend is a champion commuter, a sacrifice which should not be looked over in this day and age.  We have Bible Study every week, and Allie is there every week.  I'm sure there have been times when she didn't feel like driving, but she always comes anyway.



She doesn't come just for Bible Study either, she comes just to hang out with us.  She loves to listen to what we have to say and she always knows just what to say.  One of the best things I've learned from Allie is how to give advice.

Allie listens to the whole story, pauses and sympathizes with you, then says "well, what about this?"
She gives value to what you are saying, rather than just jumping right in and trying to solve a problem.
And she always remembers what you've said.  She looks you in the eye and doesn't let herself get distracted while you're talking to her.

Loving God:  Believe Him
This girl believes God for all his promises.  If she feels like He wants something to happen in her life, it might as well have already happened in her book.  She's the ultimate outliving of "the battle is already won."
Even in the midst of waiting for things to happen, she never doubts that the Lord will bring them about in His time.  It's as hard for her to wait as it is for the next one, but she doesn't lose hope while she's waiting.
I think that's a lesson many of us could benefit from.

Thanks, Allie, for loving me and for showing me what it really looks like to have joy in the future God has promised you.

Featured Friend: Abigail

In my last post, I mentioned that I am thankful for friends who daily show me new and wonderful ways to love God and people.  One of those friends is Abigail. Her birthday was a little while ago, and she mentioned something on her blog about having done this thing in the past where, in the days leading up to her birthday, she talked about people who had been a good influence on her life.  I'm going to do almost exactly that, spotlighting some friends I have learned the important lessons of How-to-Love-People and How-to-Love-God from in the past year.


Mind you, I only have a few days until my birthday, so there won't be too many people on here and I've learned so much from so many different people!
Maybe I'll just have to continue this series after my birthday . . .


Anyone want to hazard a guess as to who my first fine "Featured Friend" (Too much alliteration?) will be?


Now how did you know that?


I've known Abigail for as long as I can remember. 
She actually started out as my babysitter.  (I love to say that to people when they ask how we met.)
About the time the gap in our ages began to close, she went to college in New Zealand (I know.  I was jealous too.) But immediately after she came back from NZ, she set up a Bible Study for some of the younger, just-starting-college girls in our church.  That Bible Study was a great growing experience for me and I'd say it's when Abigail's and my friendship really blossomed into what it is today.


Unfortunately . . . just kidding, Abigail . . . Eventually the inevitable happened and Abigail got married.  She's moved all over the country, but we've managed to stay in touch quite well and she has continued to encourage me in my walk with the Lord and be a fantastic example to me of how to love.


Last summer, Christa and I took a lovely journey to visit Abigail in Georgia.  After we were greeted by a cook-out, a sunset, and some fireworks, we came to Abigail's house and what did we find?




Ever since the days of our original Bible Study, Abigail has been a superb hostess.  She has welcomed us into her home (wherever it may be) and filled it with activities, movies, music, food, and whatever else a heart could desire. Things may not always turn out just the way she intends for them to (we certainly didn't get to all the "Possible Week Activities"), but, even if things don't go according to plan, she's happy as long as her guests are happy.  I'm pretty sure that's one of the most important lessons an aspiring hostess can learn.


Recently, Abigail came up with the idea of having a "Bloggin' Bible Study."
I watched through the first study, read other people's contributions, and thought Man, I wish I had that kind of time.  Then I realized I do have that kind of time. I'm just using it for other, less productive things.  So, when Abigail decided to do a second Bible Study, I got excited and decided to join in . . . obviously a little late.  But, better late than never, right? (Actual Bible Study coming very soon.)


I've learned, by watching her example, that sometimes the best way to love God is just to dive right in and love Him.  Simple as that.  He doesn't require a great fanfare or a set aside time or a particular mindset.  He just requires our time and our love. Those aren't so hard to give, whether you're an army-wife-mom-of-a-one-year-old or a working-girl-writer-on-the-brink-of-college-graduation or anything else on the spectrum.


Thanks Abigail, for loving me and for loving God out in the open and above all else.

Last Weekend's Letter was "P"

Yes, everyone Please Politely ignore the fact that I'm starting out this weekend with a Post about last weekend.

Last weekend started out with Pasta and my beautiful bestie Kae (two of my favorites).

Then, after that, we went shopping at Maurice's. Well, really I only went in to Pay a bill, but once you go into a store, you can't leave without a little browsing. (Or is that just me?)  Whilst browsing, we discovered one of Kae's latest obsessions: Puffy things!  We found all sorts of Poufy tulle and lace bows, but my eventual Purchase (You didn't think I could actually get out of there without buying anything, did you?) was a filigree barrette, so lovely and delicate I couldn't resist, in the shape of one of my latest obsessions: Peacocks (actually, Peacocks may or may not be a very old and continuous obsession). Oh, right. I also bought some Pink bangles.



Kae had come into town to take my Senior Pictures, so Saturday was full of Picture-taking.
Our Poses were somewhat influenced, Perhaps, by Kae's love for Puffy things:



But I'd say we did a Pretty good job of varying things.





At one Point, we went into Starbucks on campus to take some Pictures in my favorite Purple velour chair.  They had been open earlier in the day since it was Homecoming and they had just closed up their registers, but they still had a full vat of coffee, so they hollered at us, "Anybody want a free cup of coffee?"
Of course Kae and I (both avid coffee-drinkers) jumped on that offer, so we both got a venti (I think it was a venti) cup of something delicious for free.  I wish I'd thought to ask what it was because I usually don't like Plain Starbucks coffe, but that one was scrumptious.  And?  The lady wrote "Have a good day" on our little holder things:



Which, by the way, was Perfect, because Starbucks is where I come every day to take a break from work where I always say "Have a good day" to People as they leave.  (You should never start a sentence with "Which" by the way.)  Also?  In this Picture I'm looking at the building where I work and if I am, in reality, on a break from work, this is exactly where you'll find me.

Sisters came along and took Pictures of Kae taking Pictures of me:



No, we don't hate each other, though it looks like it in these Pictures.
This is how we normally are:



Promise



Some funny faces happened



And some serious faces happened too.  That last face was a bad time.  For about two minutes I had no clue where my ring was.  That was a scary time because we had been SO many Places and nobody was quite sure when they had seen it last.  But don't worry.  We found it in Kae's car where I had Purposefully taken it off earlier.

Of course after a full day of work, all the Photographer and the model both wanted to do was relax, so the evening (for Kae and I) was a wonderful composite of Pajamas, Photoshop, and a very comfy queen size mattress.  This was when I noticed what a Plethora of things we were experiencing that began with a P.

And on Monday?  It continued!  I got to work and had to Pull up the yellow brick road . . . Pause.  Maybe I'd better explain this.  It was Homecoming (and Halloween and the weekend Kae and I decided to take the Pictures - great timing on my Part, I know) and the theme was "There's No Place like Home."
The campus had an office decorating competition, and, in our office, we laid down a yellow brick road made of - you guessed it - Packing Tape and Poster-board.

So, the big P's.  Too distracting? or were they entertaining?