Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Today Was Sunny

The past five days or so have been possibly some of the worst I've had in many years, culminating with me crying in the office last night in front of my director and the CEO, both of whom I love and am incredibly comfortable with, but really, Esther?
(Sheesh, how about that for a crazy run-on?)

Okay, so maybe some of you have really good memories that stretch all the way back to the episode where Esther cries in the dentist's office.  And maybe those of you with the long memories are beginning to doubt all of this Esther-really-doesn't-ever-cry business that I keep trying to feed you.

But let me tell you, ask anybody outside of my family, and they have probably never seen me cry.
I mean ask anybody outside of my family other than the CEO of camp, my director, and my dentist...

I mean, seriously.  After the whole crying-in-the-dentist's-office experience, I felt like I was scarred for life.  I had no idea how that happened.  It was just like it came out of the middle of nowhere.

Also?  I'm pretty sure he was scarred for life as well.  I had an appointment last week, and he was about as nice as he could be.  I mean, talking to me like I was an emotionally fragile 5-year old kind of nice (which, come to think of it, is probably pretty much how he views me now).
And do you think he mentioned a single word about my wisdom teeth, which are all four still firmly lodged in my mouth?
No sir, he sure didn't.

In the office yesterday, it was the same way.  One minute, I'm talking like a normal person, the next moment, I'm sobbing.

Many times, I've expressed to people how frustrated I am with this crying-less-than-once-a-year way of "handling" my emotions, or rather this lack of emotional maturity and appropriateness.  So maybe this crying-at-the-drop-of-a-hat method of emotional expression is just a step on the journey to learning how to cry at appropriate times?
No, don't answer that.

One thing I did notice was that, aside from the real reasons for the emotional turmoil of the last several days, there was hardly any sunshine to be seen until yesterday afternoon.  Now, we all know that Esther does not do well with lack of sunshine (see item number 1), so maybe that had something to do with it.

Maybe I'll never know, and maybe that's okay, but I do know two things:
  1. Currently I'm listening to Jack Johnson, Michael Franti, Bob Marley, Colbie Cailait, and Van Morrison, and if that doesn't cheer you up, you're probably not entirely human
  2. Today was sunny

So, folks, I'm pretty sure Esther-who-doesn't-cry-all-the-time is well on her way back from wherever she ran away to.


  1. I can't picture you listening to Bob Marley! Haha! But I love that you are; he's one of the greatest, most influential musicians of all time. And I love Michael Franti too :)

  2. Everyone needs a good cry (even if it's, like mine, kindof an ugly good cry). Also I must fall into the family category because I'm quite positive that I have seen you cry before but only because we lived a long stretch of our youth together and I probably helped contribute to the cry while still one of the youths in question. (IS that even a sentence?!) By the by, your relationship with your dentist, however defunct, is still prolly better than the one I have with mine. If he were to think about me at all he would rightly conclude that I skipped seeing him the ENTIRE year of 2012 just because I didn't want him to talk to me about my cavities. How dysfunctional is that?
    ANYways, I love you when you're crying and when you're not. That's the end of the story.


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